New Year, Better Me
Hello to 2018 and to you (whomever you may be), let me start by saying Happy New Year! Secondly, let me apologise for not having written in well over a month. I honestly have no excuse other than life got a little bit hectic and I hit a brick wall when it comes to having the motivation to do anything whether that's with my course, my part-time jobs, self love and care. All the fun stuff.
Personally, my 2017 wasn't awful, it definitely wasn't great. I don't know about anyone else but last year but I learnt a lot about myself, about other people in my life, who I want in my life, what I want for me. Now, I'm not one for New Year Resolutions and I know lots of people aren't either because they tend to be absurd things like to not eat chocolate (why would you do that to yourself?) but I do find comfort in the thought of a completely clean slate. A whole new year, a fresh start. I don't want to reinvent myself but I would like to change or improve a lot of things. It's good to have goals and what better way to set yourself a couple for a new year where you can begin again? Within reason of course because a new year doesn't press a reset button, it's just a really good opening to start over and improve.
Shall I make a list? I do love a list, okay here we go:
1. For starter's I'm going to be selfish. I don't mean I'm going to stop caring about others or be vain, I mean I am number one and I will care for me first. I am slowly but surely recognising my self-worth and I will concentrate on building that until I know longer consciously make terrible decisions that will in the long run hurt me. ESPECIALLY with boys (Lol we'll see how that bit goes).
2. I will, regardless of how much I hate whatever it is, persevere through the necessary stepping stones that will take me one step closer to what I want to do in the future. For example, currently I absolutely loathe my college course. This second year is extremely unenjoyable for me and I would love to drop out but I need and want the grades I will get in order to help myself in whatever I choose to go onto next.
3. Half-arsed friendships/relationships will go. I'm over being a peace-maker, I'm over not upsetting someone with what I really think and I am no longer afraid to cut someone out who brings literally nothing to my life. It's boring and a waste of my time when I could be focusing more on the strong friendships and relationships I already have as well as making new ones. If you put in effort with me (which you should, I'm worth it) I will match it.
Empty relationships are CANCELLED THIS YEAR MY FRIENDS. Exit stage left if you're not showing me the effort I deserve.
4. I am a lot happier with my figure than I was a year and bit ago but I want to be fitter and eat healthier. Let's be clear, you will absolutely NOT catch me and my weak noodle arms struggling to lift weights at a gym but I will aim to go on a run once a day as well as doing a weekly toning class. I'd love to try a spin class but with my present fitness levels I am genuinely concerned I would die.
Maybe I'll build up to that.
5. LEARN TO MANAGE MONEY. I am so terrible, I have no idea what I spend it on but that ends now. No more will my bank statements be a list of random and unnecessary stationary purchases and food.
I want to aim to save up for things that I want but not just fun treats like new shoes but more practical things that now I no longer rely on my parents for. Having some money behind me will be helpful so if I want to go away for the weekend with friends or book a holiday, I can!
6. Keep up to date with my journal. I started one midway through 2017 when I was having a bit of a rubbish time as it helped me clear my head when I didn't want to talk to anyone but needed to get all my thoughts out before completely losing my head. I stopped when I went through a break up and took on a bunch of things I couldn't really manage as well as making a string of questionable choices with one or two people and it's been on my bedroom floor staring at me for months.
7. Keep up to date with my blog. Although the quality of content may vary depending on whether I have literally nothing to write about or I'm not feeling it, I will be consistent. I really enjoy it despite not knowing whether anyone actually reads it but I do it for me. If someone happens to read it and likes it then that's an added bonus.
8. Do and say more of the things I'm scared of. Whether that's go out of the country or tell someone how I feel about them, I want to do it.
9. Stop using hours of watching Netflix in bed as my go-to coping mechanism. It's getting a little bit unhealthy now, it can be a Plan B but maybe Plan A can be to go for a run.
Just anything other re-watching both series of Stranger Things or all of Brookyln Nine-Nine again, GO OUTSIDE.
10. Try to stop being so deathly afraid of getting older and constantly worrying about what I'm going to do with my life. I will be turning 20 this year (Cue internal panicked screaming) and while I feel that is incredibly old and terrifying, I am actually very young to have a solid, forever plan. That's absolutely fab if you do, know that you're one of the lucky ones! But I don't and so, instead of internally screaming and hiding under my duvet watching Netflix I will try better to approach them calmly.
That concludes this post, I am now exhausted from finding gifs and have a very overdue essay to write. I will be back soon, as promised, with a post all about my trip to Amsterdam I recently went on! Once more, Happy New Year to all of you, let's hope it brings us all nothing but good and happy things.
All my love,